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organization

How to survive this global pandemic

April 3, 2020 da Barbara

Questa immagine ha l'attributo alt vuoto; il nome del file è babepi_survive-1024x538.jpg

I honestly thought I would refrain from writing yet another personalistic blog post about “life at the time of Covid-19”. Then Kelli Lamb asked me to write a post for her personal blog, and since she’s the editor in chief of my favorite online interior magazine… I couldn’t tell her no. Then I realized I was posting on Instagram about the life we’re leading at home, and it quickly escalated from there.

This blog post doesn’t provide a unique and fool-proof way to come out of lockdown with a sound mind, fit and recharged, nor it lists ten steps (I’m too busy surviving to come up with anything truly SEO-friendly).

On the other hand this is a list of things you could do in order to survive.

It starts from here.

‘Survival’ is the key.

This is a time when our wellbeing is under attack:

  1. physically, because we’re just at the beginning of a global pandemic that will last until 70% of the population will be immunized by vaccination, which realistically won’t happen for another 18 months;
  2. economically, the sudden global economic downturn has already affected the world, and the situation will stay bad for a while;
  3. psychologically, the uncertainty of our future, fear for our own well-being and the safety of our loved ones, a long period of social distancing are our travel pal, and they will stick with us for months.

In a nutshell: hand me the vodka bottle.

Within this context there is not point in setting lofty goals to achieve, because regardless of the commitment and effort we’ll put into it, life will probably keep on giving us the finger.

So, personally, I lowered my expectations to the bare minimum: surviging, breathing, eating, sleeping, etc. Incidentally this means I feel like a goddess whenever I accomplish anything!

Just to be clear, I’m not advocating for idleness (although there’s nothing wrong with it), I’m rather proposing that we should be very very generous with ourselves, and be even more mindful of expectations. Both ours, and other people’s ones.

The same goes for work. If your clients or your employers expect you to do the impossible at this time… defend yourself the best you can).

If you are self-employed, try to focus your little energy and resources on keeping it alive. It might mean pivoting your business, but mostly it’s about cutting operations to the bone in order to be sure you can perform them at your personal best. This way you ensure you leave a good memory to your customers… or certainly better then those businesses that decided to build whole e-commerce from scratch during a pandemic then they can’t keep up with logistics.

Routines save your life.

They’re not glamorous, they are seldom fun, they require time to catch. But they truly save your life.

Again, this works for both people and businesses.

Routines trick people into a false sense of security and control. If you’re doing the same things day in and day out, you can pretty much predict what’s going to happen today, which eliminates the paralizing uncertainty regarding your immediate future. Even if we don’t know for sure when this pandemic will be over, we can control what time we’ll wake up tomorrow, what we’ll eat for breakfast, what we will wear, and so on.

The more simple, natural for you to do, and pleasant a routine is, the easier you’ll get used to it. And yet conquering a routine provides an accessible success that will make you feel like you’re actually in control of your life.

For business, routines are about enforcing good systems (from order management to sanitizing procedures and safety measures) while reducing costs and the opportunity for mistakes.

Socialize less but socialize better

Humanity doesn’t perform that pleasantly under pressure, regardless of how many flashmobs and donations are publically arranged. Since social networks are a stage for humanity it shouldn’t come as a surprise that they aren’t very nice places to frequent at this time.

Personally, I find harder to deal with those channels that rely on words, because they welcome opinions. I find that reading them doesn’t help me cope with what’s going on, and it provokes extreme reactions in me.

The types of post that would lead me straight to alcohol poisoning (if I hadn’t stopped going into Twitter and Facebook) are the following ones:

  • complaints by teachers about what is expected of them;
  • obnoxious commentary on any Government pronouncement, and on any opinion about it. Nothing is ever good enough, even if nobody has any idea what good enough would look like;
  • posts by people who aren’t parents, mocking parents because they’re going crazy at home with their kids (apparently it’s because we raised brats, not because any kid would go nuts if she went without socializing or outdoor time for months);
  • pretentious posts (but I couldn’t stand them before either);
  • posts exposing anybody violating social distancing. Get a life;
  • every “it’s going to be alright” post. First of all, not everything is going to be alright, and spreading this false optimism is going to giving people an alibi not to be proactive. The way I see it, things will go according to what we do, not according to a predetermined happy ending;
  • every post calling phase 2, a “new beginning” or “freedom”, etc.

By all means, if writing and reading these posts is helping you feel better, don’t make me stop you. You do you. But be aware of any signal from your psyche, because you don’t want to snap at a loved one you’re living with just because of something a stranger wrote.

Also, now it’s the time to find yourself, somebody, you like to have in your life, even just as a friend, and to spend more time talking with them about things you’re both passionate about.

It’s great to do good, but try not to harm yourself.

Let’s just say it’s not super-smart to extinguish your funds to support the businesses you love if that leaves you without money to pay the bills.

The same goes for emotional resources. They’re not unlimited so try to ration them, rather than extinguishing them on endless phone calls with people who’re in need of psychological support. You won’t realize it at first but they might drain you.

Once the communal feeling ‘we are all in this together’ fades, it’s time to take stock of the material and immaterial resources you have and need to navigate this crisis, then pace yourself as you spend them.

It’s not being selfish, it’s surviving.

Photo by John Cameron/Unsplash.

Filed Under: organization Tagged With: planning, work from home

What I mean when I say Lifestyle Design

March 6, 2020 da Barbara

Once upon a time in a faraway galaxy, I used to plan and style destination weddings for a living. Then I had a burnout episode. My business model was utterly personal and yet not entirely viable, psychologically speaking. As I sometimes do, I hadn’t entirely followed my own advice.

Three years later, I still haven’t made up for all my mistakes, but I am confident I have finally designed myself a viable lifestyle, and one that fosters well-being. The word choice behind ‘lifestyle’ and ‘designing’ is entirely purposeful, as I feel ‘organization’, ‘life’, ‘work’ can be limiting concepts, taken by themselves.

This post is where I take the time to explain what I mean by “designing a lifestyle”.

I came up with the ‘lifestyle design’ definition back in 2016, to market a series of personal consultancies revolving around strategy and organization. The service was built off my planning skills, my knowledge of organization and strategy tools, and my stance, steadily on my clients’ side.

These consultancies allowed me to lend my expertise, capacities, and approach to those women who couldn’t seem to build a life aligned with their identities and their aspirations, without being influenced by outside expectations.

Why lifestyle design

I immediately embraced the concept of lifestyle design for a number of reasons.

First of all, work is not necessarily central to a lifestyle.

I find the idea that work defines our lives culturally biased. Not everybody has aspirations to build their lives around a career.

When Dave Evans and Bill Burnett created the Designing your life method they used the term ‘life’, but they were actually focusing on helping people find a professional vocation that would ultimately allow them to achieve a ‘joyful and well-lived life’. Life was the by-product, not the focus.

But what if I wanted to build my life around a different vocation, something not work-related? What about people who choose to accept a menial job just to get an income to finance their free time and more personal passions? Do Evans and Burnett think that a bus driver could not achieve a ‘joyous and well-lived life’?

The idea that the quality of everybody’s life should be determined by their choice of profession and work is not only culturally biased, but it’s also very typical in Northern American US culture. I for one don’t identify with it. I personally think we are more defined but who we are than but what we do. I personally think that even people who legitimately built their lives around their careers (and accordingly they would benefit from Evans and Burnett’s method) did so because of a choice stemming from their identity.

But contrary to what Evans and Burnett (and generations of North American motivators) seem to think, the job we choose cannot always be determined by our vocation and motivation alone. Our choice is always determined by a variety of factors, like chance and opportunity (which are sadly not equally available), by the choices other people made for us, by our gender, the color of our skin, our accent. And the list goes on.

There is something that can be exempt from this outside influence, if we try, something less determined by chance, timing and other people’s choices. And that’s our identity, who we are.

When I say ‘lifestyle’ I mean the application of our identity to our life.

The choice we make to try and live a life aligned with our identity, the purpose we find in life, the people whose company we decide to keep, the way we employ our time; all of these decisions can be entirely ours, regardless of the work we do.

So why don’t I simply use the word ‘life’, but I chose ‘lifestyle’ instead? Because unlike our choices and decisions, the life we live is not exclusively influenced by our will. We are not traveling to time and place in an enclosed tunnel, we’re more weaving in and out of viscous ecosystems, where the tiny choice of a toddler on the other side of the world could have an impact on what happens to us.

It is arrogant and irrealistic to think that we could willfully and completely shape our lives. I think our time is much better spent focusing on shaping the style we’d like our lives to have, the broad design of its picture. Focusing on the direction we want to wander towards, rather than expecting to pick every single stop on the journey, allows us to stay flexible during its course, thus being more reactive to unforeseen changes.

In 2016 I didn’t know about Evans and Burnett, because their book was still relatively unknown in Italy, but I chose the verb ‘design’ very purposefully none the less.

By ‘design’ I don’t mean a method, I’m not suggesting to apply design thinking to the creating or a lifestyle. Mainly because I feel like there is never one method that fits all, precisely as there is no one right way to learn any skill or art.

To me, designing is an approach.

Designing is drawing the outlines of an existence that will make us feel fulfilled, creating a blueprint within which to move more assuredly, free from the blank page panic that often leads to us turn back towards the past rather than facing the future.

I always thought writing was a great metaphor for lifestyle, so I found serendipitous this quote about outlining by Laura Carrada:

The secret to avoid anxiety and white page panic is… not to have a white page in front of you. Fill it with your journey plan, one that you will refine and rework as you go. It won’t limit your freedom, on the contrary it will free you of many a qualms.

– Luisa Carrada, Scrivere, che bello!

An approach for females only

As I did introducing lifestyly design in 2016, so today I am considering a consultancy for female clients only. It’s not a matter of positioning and target, but a choice based on the belief that the people who need guidance in this matter more are females. Women by birth or by choice alike.

The world weights down female humans with expectations and a heavy gaze, if anything because of that pesky biological detail that places the responsibility of procreation on our bodies. Women’s bodies have been a battlefield since the dawn of time.

It’s a gender issue, and for a woman to purposefully design her own lifestyle is a political act, precisely because we’re often expected to have nothing to design, but simply to choose if we want to breed or not. And even that choice is often taken from us.

To offer this kind of consultancy only to women means not to place more responsibility on them to keep a balance. On the contrary it’s a way to even the field, to provide tools to make more informed choices and decisions without being influenced by the expectations, the opinions and the demands of everybody else.

Over the past here I have resumed lifestyle consultancies, and they will be available to book from my website. I hope this post clarified what’s behind a seemingly meaningless definition. More than anything, I would like it to be crystal clear what lifestyle design is not.

Lifestyle designing is not coaching, nor therapy, nor a personal organization service

It’s not coaching, because there is no hierarchy between a consultant (me) and a coachee.

Every analysis, answer, decision, and choice coming out of a lifestyle designing consultancy is entirely produced by the person whose life is the focus. My role is to provide tools, looking for them if need be, to provide questions and a sounding board.

Could you do it alone? By all means, yes! I didn’t invent the tools and questions involved in the process. My personal contribution is my ability to effectively listen while withdrawing judgment and biases. ‘Anything goes’ is my guiding principle.

It’s not therapy because it doesn’t involve solving or treating imbalances, mental issues, uneasiness, and it doesn’t delve with the unconscious.

Designing is a very active and intentional process. It might draw on thoughts, emotions, desires, but its work affect the physical reality around us. It’s not about working on the self, but on manifestations of that self.

Do you need therapy? If you asked me, even without knowing you, my answer would always be yes. I think everybody would benefit from therapy, if they can afford it, and have the time and energy to allow it.

It’s not a personal organization service because it doesn’t necessarily start from a point of disorganization. It’s not about applying a system to sort through the mess.

Lifestyle design is useful to very organized women as well as to unorganized women. It could be repeated multiple times during one’s life, because we might grow out of our choices, or some vital circumstances might change.

Does it teach you to be organized? It could, but that’s incidental. Organization is one of the tools it relies on, but only if your path needs it. After all, consultancies always mold around the focus and the specific needs of the person who’s being consulted.

I hope this was clear and easy to understand. If you have any more questions, please ask away!

Filed Under: organization Tagged With: finding purpose, motivation, planning, self care

45 days to end the year

November 15, 2019 da Barbara

What does it take to properly prepare for the new year and the world of opportunity it will bring along? 5 minutes chugging champagne from a disposable cup? A couple of hours to save important dates on a new planner? Half a day to draft the year planning? Two days spent at an intensive mastermind retreat? I think anything goes, but I’ve also decided to devote the last 45 days of 2019 to set up 2020. And I wrote this blog post for anybody who’s interested in joining me.

How did it all begin

At first, it all was about getting ready for Atlanta and making sure my brand, business, and website were up for it. But then I realized I will be working every weekend (but one) until 2020. Which prompted this very reasonable reaction:

via GIPHY

I like to think of myself as a pale Mindy Lahiri, and like her, I tend to deal with complicated situations by coming up with elaborate solutions. Like setting up a challenge to inspire my feast of a year-end to-do list!

That is how the idea came to fruition to devote the last 45 days of 2019 to follow through with my plans for Atlanta, while also accomplishing one tiny task every day. And Instagramming it for posterity, which will both serve as an accountability action and provide content for my randomly populated grid.

How it works

Starting on November 17, and going on for 45 days, the challenge will see me perform daily activities to prepare for a pretty pivotal year.

On Instagram today I will post the summary image, for anybody to use as a reminder on how to follow me and the challenge itself.

Daily tasks will be evenly spread among different categories:

  • mental/emotional health
  • baby steps
  • simplicity
  • creativity
  • body
  • money
  • work

These are the categories where I need prompts to accomplish my to-do list, but I tried to keep tasks as general as possible so anybody can join.

Anybody can join

That’s it. You don’t have to own a business to benefit from this challenge, you don’t need grand plans or big dreams. You don’t even need new year resolution, and you don’t need to be the kind of person that makes new year resolution in the first place.

In fact, you could be any gender/age/etc., be at any point in your life, because this challenge doesn’t have any designated start point or goal.

I feel a good preparation for a new year is about:

  1. shaking up our perception of the world
  2. training us to be aware of our purpose

In short, this challenge is not about controlling your future through meticulous planning, it’s about waking up from your stifling routines and regaining awareness of your desires and of the power you have to fulfill them.

If this is something you need, feel free to join me.

The challenge is now over, but if you think you need a reset you can download the free workbook. You can complete the forty-five days to reset anytime you feel the need. Click here to download the workbook.

There’s an hashtag to follow

It’s not about being trendy, but it’s about making it easy for people to feel part of a community accomplishing something together.

I’m usually the solitary type but I get it that some people need the comfort of numbers or an accountability buddy or two. If that’s you, following #45daysyearend will allow you to stay on track and be inspired.

I think I might also start following it, to find inspiration when I feel like getting some, or to explore alternative points of view on the daily tasks I accomplish.

I will send instructions via email

If you want to have more details about each activity or suggestions and further reading about them, I’ve got you covered. Every Sunday I will send a newsletter with a nifty task list for the following seven days as well as instructions for each. On week 2 I will begin adding a small recap of my previous week.

Every message will be short and to the point, I will not try to sell you anything, nor it will be required for you to interact or do anything after receiving them. Every message will be easy to print so that you can carry it with you.

You can always unsubscribe from the emails, and at the end of the challenge, I will write to you to remind you to press unsubscribe or to stick around if you’re interested in more content.

Anything goes

There are no special rules for this challenge. You can join me for a day, five, all of them, or none at all but coming along for the spectacle.

The only rule to abide by is to not let guilt or impostor syndrome get to you, should you choose to join and then quit. The task list is a tool, if it no longer serves you… ditch it.

Filed Under: organization Tagged With: finding purpose, motivation, planning

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babepi is Barbara

My name is Barbara Pederzini and babepi has been my nickname since 1997. In 2009, I began using it as a brand, to offer my strategy, styling and teaching consultancies to businesses.

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